Alice in The Secret Castle review (iPod/iPhone)February 16, 2011
10 word description: Platform puzzler. Alice has a rod, it makes walls disappear.
10 word review: Brutal. Extreme retro graphics. Hardcore, unforgiving platform puzzles. No tutorial.
It’s like: The offspring of an unholy union between the undead corpse of Toki Tori and Satan’s own 8-bit vision of videogame hell.
It’s better than: Playing casual games for the rest of your pathetic life.
It’s not: Super bloody Mario.
Average game time: Before you hurl your iPod at the wall, oh, maybe a couple of minutes.
Arcadelife verdict: As a free advert for what can be done with their sprite editor, it’s ok. As a game in its own right, this poses an interesting question: Are the people who designed this game utterly brilliant or just phenomenally sadistic? It doesn’t really matter what I say, because hardly anyone is going to play this game and, of those that do, maybe only a couple will actually keep it installed long enough to figure out the basic game mechanics. If you feel like trying it, and you really should, just remember: There is no tutorial. The first room is not an easy introduction to the way the game works. Precise timing is required. Doing anything wrong will either kill you or put you in a position where you cannot complete the room. It’s a harsh, terrifying reminder of how videogames started out. Here at Arcadelife, we enjoy stuff like this. You probably won’t.