Short Reviews – iPod/iPhone/iPad – Super Bean, The Fish Dies in the End, Martian Rescue, Roger: The flying pig

August 9, 2011

What is this? This is new. I have quite a few games lined up for review and these four got lucky – they get a short review that is featured in this great new feature!

In no particular order, here they are. If you want the iTunes link, click the app name at the top of each review.

Super Bean review (iOS / Universal)

This is an incredibly simple and limited game. Tap the Bean in a frenzied manner to see how high you can encourage him to fly. And that’s it. I’d be struggling to write a full review of this, even one of Arcadelife’s admittedly abbreviated reviews. Essentially, it’s a screen-tapping contest with some uninspiring graphics to look at while you try to knock a hole through your iPhone. There’s probably a huge market for this sort of game and it will sell millions. It doesn’t need my help to do that and it’s not getting it. Here’s the only screenshot you need:

Arcadelife verdict: Feeble Bean
Arcadelife rating: 15/100

The Fish Dies in the End review (iPod/iPhone)

Endless swimmer style game with 3 difficulty levels. Control is a simple tap/hold to move up, don’t touch to move down with the fish moving at a fixed speed. Avoid enemies for as long as possible. Three lives/hearts. It works and is vaguely playable but nobody is going to bother writing about it. Except me, of course.

Do you remember when videogames were marketed as "interactive"? I'm starting to think maybe that wasn't as bad as it sounded

Arcadelife verdict: The gameplay dies in the end
Arcadelife rating: 21/100

Martian Rescue review (iPod/iPhone)

I was a huge fan of the original Lunar Rescue (Taito, 1979). Imagine my disappointment when this game turned up for review with promises of the same type of gameplay but turned out to be an ill-advised merging of horrendously unresponsive controls and the kind of graphics and level design you might find in an example game that came free with some budget game-maker software package. So, no, it isn’t very good. Truly awful in fact, and an insult to Lunar Rescue.

Arcadelife verdict: Rescue me from it
Arcadelife rating: 9/100

Roger: The flying pig review (iPod/iPhone)

My first thought was, “Is that a game title or a rather unnerving instruction?” My second thought was the realisation that, as inexplicable as it may seem, this game is the best of the bunch today. This is one of those “How far can you fly” games, a genre which seems to have spawned on mobile devices and become one of the more varied and surreal game types, not to mention one of the more popular.

Obviously, the more hotdogs that cannibal Roger munches, the further he will fly...

Graphically, the game isn’t bad at all; there’s even some rudimentary parallax scrolling to get all retro-excited about. As with many of these games, your involvement pretty much ends as soon as Roger launches, leaving you to gape forlornly as his epic flight degenerates into a series of painful bounces and nausea inducing mid-air pirouettes.

You'll believe a pig can fly, etc.

Ok, it’s got different modes, amusing graphics, it’s fairly entertaining and I like the Misty Mountains style backdrop. It’s easily the best game in this small group, but that isn’t really saying much. Overall, if you’re desperate for another endless-flyer, don’t let me stop you rushing to get this one.

Arcadelife verdict: When pigs fly
Arcadelife rating: 72/100

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